It's a sunny Tuesday morning, and while most of us are just settling into our plans on where to eat out for lunch, Salt Lake County’s food safety inspectors are already knee-deep in their daily adventure of culinary compliance. Yes, while the rest of us imagine inspectors merely walking through restaurant doors, ticking off checkboxes on clipboards, and nodding sternly at chefs, the reality is far richer—and sometimes downright absurd.

"Every day is like opening a new episode of a sitcom," one inspector said. "You never know what you'll walk into."

Formally, food safety inspectors have the title of Environmental Health Scientists. To protect the privacy of the food inspectors and the errant restaurants they audit, their names have been withheld.

Consider the inspector who once found a pigeon wandering the kitchen. "It had been let in through a garage door during a food delivery. The operator was chasing it around with a broom," he recalls. And that’s not the strangest encounter. How about the portable cement mixer, still caked with dried cement, being used to batter chicken? Or the restaurant that thought buying turtles from PetSmart to make turtle soup was a bright idea? Yes, that happened too.

Despite these bizarre incidents, most restaurant inspections are more routine. Inspectors don’t secretly hope for calamity. "We actually hope to find clean, well-maintained restaurants," one inspector said. "It’s a good day when we don’t have to shut anyone down or issue a fine."

But let’s not kid ourselves: not every inspection is a smooth ride. "We call it the ‘fire drill,’" explains another inspector. "The manager or owner’s eyes get huge, and they start ordering employees to do all sorts of tasks to cover up potential violations.” While they’re barking orders like they're trying to win an Oscar for Best Director, one can only imagine the frenzy in the kitchen as employees scramble to hide evidence of unsanitary conditions. “It’s rarely successful and sometimes leads to more violations,” he said.

And then there’s the matter of timing. Restaurant owners often grumble about inspectors showing up at the most inconvenient moments. "We’ve heard complaints like, 'You only come when the refrigerator is broken,' or 'Did Obama/Biden send you?' and 'Did Trump send you?'" shares another inspector.

Despite the chaos, inspectors occasionally find hidden gems. "I’ve had the opportunity to learn about a lot of unique dishes and cuisines," one inspector said. Temporary events and mass gatherings often showcase dozens of cuisines and cultures, offering a culinary education that goes beyond the typical American diner fare.

But don't be mistaken, despite what people think, inspectors never sample the food. "A lot of people ask us if we taste-test during inspections. We do not. Our job is to ensure food safety, not to rate the flavors," one inspector clarifies. They also refute the notion that they’ve become overly cautious eaters. "I still eat out regularly. I’m just more aware of the risks," an inspector said.

The job isn't all about playing food police. It’s also about helping restaurants meet standards creatively. "Some try the distraction method—sending multiple people to accompany the inspector in hopes of dividing their attention," an inspector said. "Others send all food handlers on break, essentially halting food service during the inspection. Neither method works particularly well."

Inspectors also encounter interesting repair solutions in new or remodeled restaurants. "We’ve seen some very innovative plumbing and equipment fixes," one inspector recalls, "but we always try to guide them to ensure safety and compliance."

When asked what advice they would give to restaurant owners to smooth out inspections, inspectors unanimously suggest being present during the inspection. "Know about the issues firsthand," one says. "Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Correct violations immediately when possible; it shows you take food safety seriously and improves your inspection report."

For the public, the key to dining safely is awareness. "Look for the health department permit," one inspector advises. "Each permit has a QR code that links to the most recent inspections of that restaurant. Google reviews are not always reliable for safety concerns. It’s worth checking the past inspection reports if you’re curious."

The public can also visit the Salt Lake County Health Department’s website to view inspection reports at slco.org/health/inspection/.

The ultimate goal for both inspectors and restaurant owners is the same: to ensure that patrons enjoy safe and delicious food. And while the road to this goal is often paved with unusual, funny, and sometimes downright bizarre experiences, it’s all in a day’s work for Salt Lake County’s restaurant inspectors.

As one inspector wisely concludes, "We want customers to be safe, and we want businesses to be successful. And if we get a good story out of it every now and then, well, that’s just a bonus."